We’ve all (yes all) experienced some type of heartbreak when it comes to our love lives. If you tell me you haven’t, then congrats- you’re one of the lucky ones. Even though we’ve all dealt with a break up or two, we all have our own ways of coping with it. Maybe you write a depressing song about him like T. Swift does, maybe you jump into another relationship to forget the other person, or maybe you drown your sorrows in a tub of ice cream and sit on the couch crying over your break up. However you decide to deal with it, there comes a time when you’re finally over that ex, and can take some time to reflect on the relationship. ( If you don’t do this, I highly suggest that you do-or else you may repeat the pattern of dating another like your ex who you are clearly not suited for). After dealing with my own failed relationships, and watching my friends do the same- I’ve realized that instead of crying over the lost relationship or getting angry, we should use it as a teachable moment. AKA- What can you take away from the one who got away? What lessons can be learned from this relationship that will not only help you in your next one but also with life in general?
If you’re having trouble creating your own list of things you can take away from your long list of ex lovers (yea I did just drop a Taylor Swift reference there), I will share mine with you. Maybe then you’ll be able to create your own, and stop stalking your ex on Instagram, throw out the tub of ice cream, and get back out there.
1. Balance is key.
This is something I’ve learned to apply to all things in my life, but especially in my relationships. In a successful relationship, things are balanced. you work with your partner, not against them. You don’t always call, they call too. You don’t always pay for everything, you can split the bill. Effort in this relationship is 50/50 between the two of you. With this balance you will only learn to appreciate each other more.
2. If you cannot express your own ideas, beliefs, or desires with your partner you will not be successful.
If the one who got away shot down all of your ideas, didn’t help you reach your goals, and never cared to listen to your beliefs-let them go, actually encourage them to run, fast, in the opposite direction. These types of people are energy vampires as I like to call them, and will only hold you back rather than help you move forward.
3. Laughter is SO important.
It is possible to be with someone who makes you laugh the entire time you are together.
4. Being in a relationship should not feel like you’re taking the hardest exam of your life.
AKA- It shouldn’t require studying, hard work, or anxiety over the outcome. A relationship with the right person yes requires attention, effort, and love- but should not make your brain explode. It should be easy, carefree, and exciting each and every day.
5. Your significant other should be there for you when you cannot find your own way.
With this I mean: I want someone who’s going to take care of my drunk ass when I’m laying on the bathroom floor, comfort me when tragedy has struck in my life, and give me sincere advice when I’m stuck with a tough decision to make.
6. Even if your partner doesn’t share the same passion for something you do, they will still have your back on it and cheer you on.
This could be being excited for you when you land your dream job, being happy you won those Taylor Swift tickets (sorry I just love her), or encouraging you to jump on a plane and travel for six months (and if they’re really cool-they’ll want to join you).
7. You should feel at your absolute best when you’re with your significant other.
If they aren’t telling you how awesome you are, or you feel down and out every time you’re together, then what are you doing with that person?
8. You should feel proud to say [insert significant others name here] is your partner. If you find yourself embarrassed to introduce this person to your friends or family, you may want to think of why. What is it about them that doesn’t make you want to scream to the world that you love this person?
9. You don’t ‘need’ your partner per say, I mean yes maybe they’re taller than you so you need them to reach something for you BUT you should not ‘need’ them to function in your everyday life. You should simply just ‘want’ them around because they make everything seem a little more awesome.
10. Happiness is a MUST.
Were you happy with the entirety of your relationship with your ex? I mean every aspect, did it truly fill you with joy? I’m guessing not if they are now your ‘ex’. But, the take away here? Happiness should be a key component in your next relationship, and because you want it to be front and center- you’ll notice it right away when it is not there.
So there you have you, my list of lessons learned from the few who have ‘got away’ (or who I made go away, but you catch my drift). Remember that this is my own list of musts, and may not matter to you. However, I encourage you to pump the breaks on writing down your feelings about being heartbroken, and really think about what you can take away from your past relationships. Even if you dated some jerk for a week, why did you do that?Self reflection will only help you better yourself, and better choose the next person you let into your life.